She asked if I had brought the tissue with me. A living, breathing baby that survived the perils of my womb while I still grieve and mourn for their brother every day, their little smiles and their craziness and laughter help bind the wounds just a little. Here are some important guidelines for the Muslim mother who has had a miscarriage (losing a baby before 24 weeks of gestation) or a stillbirth (losing a The loss of my child was hard enough and I was overwhelmed with trying to clean a house, keep up with laundry, go grocery shopping. And she matters even if she was only here for a brief few weeks. In May of 2013 our son was born! It was exactly what I needed. I have also had friends try to tell me to put it in Gods hands and to stop stressing because its bad for the baby. My husband and I cared for her three girls and wondered how we would answer the questions like: Why did God want our baby in Heaven?. Since my mom passed away, from that moment on I always felt that death is anytime soon for me, in this a-while life on Earth. This hadeeth clearly indicates that the children will remain The hardest part is explaining it to our 4 and 2 year olds who still ask (three months later) when the baby will be here. Yes, we can try for another baby, but I wanted THAT one. Weve had a number of people do this for Konstantin and to us it shows that good is coming from his life, which is what we want as his parents, that from his existence other people are being helped, and that his name has been written somewhere, which to us acknowledges, again, his life in a world where too many people brush aside this issue as if it was just a potential person who didnt actually get to live. he was going through his pain all so but at the time I did not see that. We celebrated his passing instead of mourning bc we knew exactly where he was and what he was doing. I joined a support group and am now, as a nurse, able to help other people going through this tragedy. It is Congenital Diaphragmatic hernia. To this day, oldest niece ( who is 7) talks about Adelyn. -May 11th according to my LMP. I give this advice with the assumption that youre close. I guess I am a mom of 6. That scripture has helped me tremendously in my loss, I hope it provides you with some form of comfort too. The hardest part was handing him over to hospital staff after hours of holding him. admit them to Paradise by Allahs mercy towards them: It was narrated that Abu Hassaan said: I said to Abu Hurayrah: I have a dear friend who just experienced a still-birthand her baby was full-term. I know she didnt mean to but that REALLY hurt me. I am expecting again, and just today a lady at work (who knew what had happened with my daughter) asked me if this was my first. My question is this - I lost him before he had a heartbeat, will he be a baby in heaven? Ibraaheem. A better idea might be to say, I cant imagine how hard that was. We are blessed with one very sweet 18 month old and Im praying earnestly for a sibling for him. There was always to be that, I wonder if he/she had lived questioning in my mind. Al-Nihaayah, 2/279. It was so comforting to talk with someone who understood. I don't love them. years.. reaching puberty -- is Paradise, as an honour from Allah, may He be And asking how i was doing was always the worst question because I always felt obligated to say Im doing ok or Im hanging in there or something somewhat positive so the person asking wouldnt feel bad, but all I really wanted to do was be honest and say that I was still feeling awful, depressed, confused, and alonethat even though I still loved the Lord, and had faith, that I was struggling with knowing I would never understandbut people dont want to hear thatso, if you dont want to hear that, and you dont want to force the person to lie for your benefit, I think its better not to ask. I have been upset at the comments that theyve been there, they lost a baby at 5 weeks or 6 weeks etc,. The bloody water was worse than any bloody scene you see in the horror movie, it was my reality. Definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done. If youve experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth, I recommend the bookGrace Like Scarlett: Grieving with HopeAfter Miscarriage and Loss. no other kids at home? I told her there were no living kids at home, but this one is my second. Recently I read that sometimes worshipping God looks like singing His praises, and sometimes it looks like surrendering to His greater wisdom. I probably didnt need to, but my instincts so strongly told me to take care of my baby. . She lost hers at 12 weeks. I have come to peace with God since then. We found out we had lost our baby at 18 weeks - baby had died at 14 weeks. Well learn eventually how to get through each day, but we dont get over it. I do wish people in my life would have acknowledged them as individuals and not a situation. Webwill i see my miscarried baby in jannah Follow us. But when I know that they cant know anything about it, it just irritates me and makes me feel misunderstood. I dont live in the area anymore anyway so even if I wanted help from them it wouldnt work out. My friends grieved for us and sympathized but I felt as if I was overwhelmed by their sadness about it. Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and You simply cannot get through it alone. I found what helps me is for people to listen or just be held for a while, seeing if the hug would somehow fit all the pieces of my heart together. I am free to run with abandon to and with the One Who loves me with abandon. They sent me for blood work which confirmed my home test. The other losses were simple and able to be taken care of at home with a heating pad and pain reliever. Hear me on this You bringing up a mothers child in Heaven will never remind her of the pain it will never cause her additional pain. Of course, she was not much help when it came to figuring out why we lost him doctor stupidity. That was narrated by al-Allaamah Ibn al-Qayyim from Ali ibn I dont know why. I felt a little guilty for not being heartbroken and distraught but those were not my feelings, I dont know why. One of the nicest phone calls we got immediately after losing our son was from my brother-in-laws step-son. Ill be waiting for you, Mother Dealing with miscarriage can be a very difficult and lonely journey a mother has to go through. Because I cant do the same thing. I pray that God will give you peace and hope today. WebThat scares me, the fact that when the gate closes. It took me awhile to be able to talk about it, but I can now and Im so thankful that I have friends who will let me talk about it. Recently a colleague of mine lost a 2 year old son and she cried she kept saying she wished he had died before she knew what he looked like, what it felt like holding him. Even if only for a few short weeks, that baby was ours to nurture! I know so many women who have had losses and so many times they feel like something is wrong with them because they cant just get over it. And it kills meeven eight years later. Praise God for the peace He has given you! At 9 weeks we found out that we were going to have two babies. Scholars agree that if you miscarried your baby before four months of pregnancy, then no aqeeqah needs to be done, nor does the child need to be named. They are never mentioned. them. and none of them was viable except the one that I lost. I think the important thing for friends to remember is that they should acknowledge the loss. I hope some people will read all these comments and that we will ALL take more precaution when ministering to ladies going through this! Our faith was tested weekly, daily, hourly. So I start my journey on this path with this unwieldy, unyielding cross alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ who are bearing their own crosses. and would like to say my baby Carley is going to be 6 on March 7th. My family still needs to eat, but I dont feel like cooking. We had so much to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. We lost my son to it and came close to losing his little sister to it as well. She went to the hospital and had a Caesarean in order to save the other twin, who was born alive, praise be to Allah., Questions cannot be asked through this form, Belief in the Last Day and the Signs of the Hour. My baby was gone. with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: The people of Paradise will enter Paradise hairless, Is there a weapon that has the heavy property and the finesse property (or could this be obtained)? Remembering those things really means a lot to a grieving mom. Im so sorry for the pain you and they endured. I went to the drs office and I heard her last few heart beats right there in the room. The other was at the 12w3d into my pregnancy. Lengthy analysis are posted on www.Al-Miftah.com, 183 Musgrave Road,Durban, 4001, South Africa To listen to the mama talk about her precious child, if she so chooses. Every womans experience is different, but most women need to grieve the loss and feel like the life of their baby meant something to someone other than them. Ill never forget his little face and seeing a tiny trickle of blood come from his nose. Those parent are suffering through the unimaginable and it is such a bittersweet blessing that I can provide them with beautiful images of their precious babies. At least the physical reminder of my loss is finally diminishing. And will give you all a kiss. Forgive us when we dont want to sit in your living room with 6 kids bouncing on the furniture and laughing and having fun. Much has changed. I agree Terra, I am to a mother of 4 not 2. I would read one paragraph over and over again because I could not focus on the words I was reading and would forget what I had just read by the time I was done with the paragraph. Is there a Hadith which states that a miscarriedfetus will take its parents to Jannah? And although I do believe delivering a stillborn baby is a bit different from having a miscarriage I do think we are all united in grief and loss. be upon him) said: Whoever of the people of Paradise dies, young or old, I hated hearing the comments that were intended to be comforting like Kandle described. Thank you for your article. If you had a late miscarriage, your breasts might produce some milk. They are viewing your posts and are sizing up their lives, families, shortfalls, successes.. etc. I dont have any guinue friends that have been there for meother than to call and complain about their life issues or needing something from me.right now I just need prayers and love and a friend more than anything, so maybe I dont have all the answers of what moms going through this need, because I am going through this myself.but I guess what I wish I had right now was a true friendsomeone to listen and pray with meencourage me..not tell me there was a reason or something might of been wrong with the baby or that I am not healthy enoughJust something that really cares. This was such a good article for me to run across, especially right before Mothers day! Undoubtedly worth considering. Do not let anyone try to convince you that you are not. I was excited and planning for my baby. I also cant stand when friends announce pregnancies, send baby shower announcements, or invite me to their childs overly elaborate birthday. Thats one part of satisfaction you have when you lose a child. We trust that God has and will continue to use our pain and Brodys short life to impact others for eternity. Some scholars are of the opinion that they will all -- old You r amazing and everything that u said about facebook is true. Most women who have a miscarriage, however, go on to have a successful pregnancy the next time round. I wish Id have had someone to do those things for me and to just be there with me. I began to realize I was so distracted and unable to concentrate that I was getting lost while driving. The baby should be buried with the Muslims, and the aqeeqah should be done for him. We didnt get married until I was 31 and then we spent a lot of time building our home and careers and getting on with life. But there were a few who didnt say anything and stayed away. We buried Luke a week after he went to be with The Lord and honestly had the best service Ive ever seen. I wanted to shout, my babys dead and all you can do is casually converse? Her doctor put her on a new medication to induce ovulation. WowI can only imagine your pain. She and other women with thyroid conditions are getting the word out how much this disease can affect fertility. My husband caught him. 1: Were you guys trying to have a baby, or was this an accident? at this point, the answer to this question doesnt matter. I lost my first at 40 weeks, itll be 3 years ago in two weeks. Though accepting Allahs decision may bring you solace, your pain and grief may still feel unbearable! God doesnt just plop His love at our feet. I used to be a good speller. We were devestaded. You put it beautifully! Dont preach to me. Thankfully some women who had been through it reached out to me and it made a huge difference. Im patently waiting and praying! But we started trying to conceive this past May and got pregnant right away! I lost the baby at about five weeks and while it was horrible and I dont wish it on anyway, I dont think about it very muh because I went on to have our youngest. So often someone has a death or losses a baby and people are all around right after it happens, but soon everyone goes back to their normal life and the grieving person feels alone or like they have to be ok because everyone else is. I have one. I am going to keep my response short. Then mama, you have had a loss, and I am so sorry for your pain. (Refer: Zawaid Ibn Majah of Allamah Busiri, pg. I lost my next baby at 6 weeks but this time it wasnt as hard because I was very cautious and I had my amazing midwife to talk to. Oh please Lord, what have I done We shared a bondthe loss of a child. Believe it or not theres much more to it. Tell one morning I started to hurt and I called Eddie and he take me to the ER and they said I lost the babies. Their voice would be as sweet as it was of Dawud (AS). Still, I cant help but wonder about the child that she miscarried, which is how I found your blog post. I dont talk to people about it because I dont want to hear their comments or see their faces that clearly say: I have no idea how to react so Im just gonna sit here in awkward silence until you change the subject. But I can feel that I would like to share it some more. I miss him so much he was my firstborn I am 30 yrs old.. Imagine my surprise when we went for our ultrasound and found out I was almost 17w and we were going to be the parents of a baby girl! Sitting in my completely silent house alone was horrible. Its heavy and seems unbearable. I have not lost any babies, but as a volunteer photographer for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS.ORG), I have photographed over 3 dozen angels. I can honestly say that the pain I experienced after each loss was just as bad. But when going through something like this, we all really need a good friend. Can Muslims Listen To It? And I want to see my mom in Heaven, together with my brother, my wife and my only son. Dont forget about Dad. They had me sign a death certificate for Baby *last name* A For me, talking is coping. I always dreamed of becoming a mother, even as a childI knew it was what I meant to do. Sending blessings to you all x. Ashley, I also have two sons, both born by natural childbirth, but I also have 3 in heaven and I believe they are the daughters I never had. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top, Not the answer you're looking for? People who had experienced miscarriage or stillbirth also acknowledged our pain and shared about their experience and what it was like for them and shared some things that helped them through. We have two healthy boys and I had one miscarriage between them. We just had our third sticky baby (one that stuck, that we got to keep), fifth baby in all, and named him Levi because it means attached. Our first and fourth baby are in heaven, lost at 8 and 12 weeks, respectively. I do know He has onea perfect one! The best way for myself and even my husband is to not ignore the situation. I too was VERY angry after losing our first son Keaton at 27 weeks. She has grieved through miscarriages before, but this was a new level of pain. 144888. Still my child). Few people showed the compassion and empathy I needed. I ran on automatic pilot for a week. In most parishes there are cards that you can get that will then have their name written on them. In March I took a test on a Friday and there was a faint line. Im of all Gods Lambs most blest I was scared but so willing to trust him. Would you want people to tell you not to cry, not to mourn, not to be sad and just be grateful you have other children? And she has one had one child (him) so just knowing she couldnt relate but it still hurt because he knows he is a father to Two boys. Then 12 miscarriages later, it is hard for me to tell people how many children I have. Many people didnt know, and receiving the smug just wait until you have a baby comments when I was tired is just more pain than I can take. Its a sad fact but as bereaved moms, we really are alone. It basically put me through 8 hours of being violently ill to rid my body of what was supposed to be my baby.I will never forget that day. Should we pretend it didnt happen? If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. Well, if they use platitudes youll have more, God wanted the baby in heaven, etc., at least say that you know they are platitudes and that they dont help, and that you wish there was something you could actually say to help, but you know that nothing will take away the pain. I had a D&C. Hearing and seeing the pain from these women showed me how far I have progressed in my healing. Might instead have brought it shame. Exclusive Duas, Islamic Reminders and News! After reading your post it brought me to tears, knowing and being comforted that Jesus Was the first person to meet him or her. By this time, given my age, we felt IVF would be the route for us. Some said it was just a fetus that hurt. What Ive mostly heard is that I propably wasnt even pregnant. But I thank God that we have such an amazing support system through our family and friends. It taught me, however that no two losses are the same and even if I am talking with someone who had a loss at 1,20, or 21 weeks they have their story and feelings and I have mine. Thank you. God Bless you for what you do. Id have loved to bring it fame children -- if they die after the soul has been breathed in and before All these years later, the why & what if is still there. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. Another woman told her to just be grateful she had the remaining twin to nurse and hold. She had gone for her prenatal visit alone while her husband attended classes. I cannot fathom her painnor can she fathom yours. God take one and gave me one. I absolutely believe your sweet baby is in heaven. From my lovely mothers womb. My husband buried our baby all alone because I lost so much blood I could not do anything at all. I think its important to recognize and honor the little life regardless of how long they remained on this earth. And the most frustrating part about losing her so early is that I have very limited words to use. Not forcing the issue but not avoiding it. Go for your friends family. My second baby girl, the joy of my life, is almost 1 now. I take comfort in knowing my Mom has wrapped her arms around this baby. <3. It will be 40 years ago on the 17th of March. Alicia now has a beautiful 3yr old daughter who is the apple of her mommys eye. The second was more recent: when we announced our second pregnancy a woman in the church told me we were parents twice over, and that our first would be so happy to see us move forward and have his/her little sibling. I am so, so very sorry for your lossand for the lack of understanding from even those most closest to you. view that Muslim children who die before reaching the age of puberty will be My body held on to her for 2 more months, and at 3am on Halloween morning, she finally came. I felt she was minimizing my pain. A meal and a card would go a long way. I wouldnt know, and it was hard to hear her say that. Although the Bible does not mention abortion or aborted babies, we do have two keys to This post is part of the Dear Mom Letters series. We work hard to share our most timely and active conversations with you. They will have patience similar to what Ayyub (AS) had. bedrest for another 6 wks. My husband was helping out at a youth group event while I stayed home and rested (my doctor suspected I was miscarrying but we were awaiting blood test results and didnt know for sure at this point). Ive heard it said- which of your children would you want to simply go away and never see again while on this earth? There were many people who simply said they were praying for me and that was enough for me! Just trying to figure out who I am now that Im broken and wounded by the One Who is supposed to comfort and heal me. It is natural to feel anxious about future pregnancies ending in miscarriage too. Realize we may be jealous. I wish this didnt happen to us and that our boys were okay. About two days later I was to have my first ultrasound as I was high-risk and because of my age. Its awful. I was also unable to read and still have trouble sometimes 7 years later. I hope you can find peace. Its easy for others to downplay that our child died. I had never even processed the fact that they made caskets so small before I, myself, had to buy one. For a short time, the authorities were looking to put us in jail but we didnt realize it until a very kind detective told my husband that we no longer had anything to worry about because the state did not consider our son human since he never took a breath on his own. Browse other questions tagged, Like any library, Islam Stack Exchange offers great information, but, Start here for a quick overview of the site, Detailed answers to any questions you might have, Discuss the workings and policies of this site. My fourth pregnancy was so hard. I honestly think the best thing anyone can do for a grieving mommy is give a hug and knowledge her baby, and let her talk about her baby and how much it mattered to her, for me I love talking about how perfect and beautiful my sweet girl was! I too wondered if I had the right to grieve. We have 4 baby here and 3 in heaven. I think the best thing to me would be for people to validate a precious important life was lost. No matter how many children you have here on earth or in Heaven, know you are a motherto each and every one of those babies. She lost six babies in all. That couple was us. Whether youre studying hair loss, damaged hair, avoiding scalp disorders, fast hair growth, hair and scalp health at large, the same rules become relevant. Dishes piled up in her sink, just wash them. I have lost my 2 babies to early term miscarriage. When I read the last of this post it hit me, I already have three. Long enough for the funeral guests to go home and everyone to think I was okay I guess. Another friend sends me a text every day or so asking how Im doing or how Im holding up and I know he doesnt just want a report on how Im recovering from surgery. A woman who miscarried was fined by the NHS for claiming a free prescription while pregnant. Blessings to you all. Praise God for little stitches each and every day. There were a few who also said the wrong things, but I knew they were trying to help. ~Heather Estey @ The Welcoming House Blog. Ready to ditch overwhelm & create the healthier home you desire? Any small gesture that come from the heart will always be acknowledged by a grieving parent. al-Quraan al-Azeem, 7/148. They said that she had just died according to the scan. My water broke at 22.3 so I moved into the hospital and hoped that I would make it to the important markers (22.5, 24, 29, 34). And really just listen. My first two months werent so good I was bleeding a little here and there so we all expected a miscarriage but shockingly that didnt happen my doctor was sure that everything was good. It was a hard, anxiety ridden time, especially when I started spotting right after Christmas. Although the chain of narrators of both these Hadiths are weak, they support each other. Ill always miss my baby and what could have been. Even if we hadnt been trying, no baby is an accident. Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. It is ok to cry and take your time to grieve. Its to the point where I cant even stand that word now. It was the hardest thing Ive ever gone through. Another good way of supporting these moms is to support them through subsequent pregnancies. Dont hide your enthusiasm for your own pregnancy or little ones, but love on us and hug us when it makes us feel sad. There were a lot of mistakes made and a massive amount of lies told by the nurses and EMS workers. It is almost eight years since that happened, but I still cry for my 4 children in heaven, wondering what they would have looked like. Thank you for sharing! Could you give me the biblical scriptures that says the babies are in heaven ? 2005-2023Everyday Health, Inc., a Ziff Davis company. Praying for you in your pain. Jamie, thank you for sharing your story. There really are no words. Never had I had to have a procedure done before. But here are a few that are at the top of my list. 07 Apr 2023 01:43:17 I grieve all three of them, but that one the most I think because he was real for a little bit longer and losing him was traumatic. On Mothers Day I only got 2 cards saying hang in there. Ten in heaven, three on earth. It took some time but eventually my wife became pregnant with our first daughter. This would have been exactly what I needed, but I didnt know how to ask for it. And the children of the mushrikeen. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (7047). Ive learned that the pain never goes away. There is no known cause or cure when you get the diagnoses. My gynecologist advised me not too as this would be the image I would carry forever. I dont hold back though when someone needs the extra love that is created in a horrid loss. I dont think people realize that he was real until they see those pictures. When she cries, just hold her. He is a wonderful Dr. encompasses all things. such a horrible, lonely experience. That little thing right there brought me more comfort than anything. I had 3 babies that were born into Heaven and I have a 7 year old son here with my husband and me. I dont doubt theyve been through difficulties, but that doesnt change the fact that I lost a child too. I had to physically push/pull her out. I really feel no compassion and very lonely. He gives, He takes. The news was given December 6, and my surgery was December 14th. All I can say to them, is accept the death and grieve in whatever way suits you. However if you have lost your baby after four months of gestation, then the soul has been breathed into him, hence he should be named, shrouded, and the funeral prayer offered. I dont want to hear about every tragic loss you have ever heard off, especially if you have never lost a baby yourself. Day of Resurrection, then when entering Paradise, we can divide their The bleeding may only last a few hours. The baby would have been our 4th. Thank you for sharing your story and advice!! We have one child we have adopted so far and Im so thankful. And I miss not having that life inside me. classed it as daeef, as he said: This is a ghareeb hadeeth which we know My five-year-old was the one to announce to others that he was going to be a big brother.

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